3 Leaks to Watch Early (and How a Divorce Coach Helps)
By Katrina Newton
High‑conflict divorce can be emotionally exhausting—and it can quietly drain your money. Beyond retainers, three common leaks are frequent attorney communication, setting up a second household, and “temporary” court orders that last longer than expected. Spotting these early can reduce fees, protect cash flow, and keep life steadier for your children.
A quick example about legal fees
Many attorneys bill in short time blocks (for example, 12‑minute increments). Ten quick emails in a week can add up fast. Over a few months, that becomes a meaningful expense. A divorce coach helps you slow down, organize, and send fewer, clearer updates—so you spend less and feel more in control.
Quick math: If your attorney bills $550/hour in 0.2‑hour increments ($110 per increment), ten short emails this week = $1,100. Over a quarter, that’s a used car.
I’m a CDC Certified Divorce Coach and trauma therapist who specializes in high‑conflict and difficult co‑parent dynamics. I also collaborate with Certified Divorce Financial Analysts (CDFAs) to align decisions with your numbers.
First: understand the role of emotions
High‑conflict periods flood your nervous system. When you’re scared, angry, or triggered, it’s easy to make short‑term, expensive choices—rushing to furnish a second home, firing off emails to your attorney, or agreeing to lopsided terms just to “make it stop.” This isn’t a character flaw; it’s biology.
Build simple “bumpers” into your process:
- Divorce coach: slows the emotional spin, turns swirling thoughts into one clear sentence with a specific ask, and keeps communication written‑first and strategic.
- CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst): grounds decisions in the numbers—cash flow, taxes, liquidity, and what you can afford long term.
- Together: calmer, fact‑based choices instead of reactive ones.
With those bumpers in place, here are the three most common money leaks to watch early.
Leak #1
Reactive attorney communication
What you can do (coach + CDFA team):
- Combine updates: Send two organized emails each week instead of many small ones. Your coach helps you draft and proof them.
- Tuesday: facts and questions
- Friday: decisions and next steps
- Keep it brief: One sentence for the issue, one for your ask. Your coach helps strip out extras and reduce emotional tone.
- Use facts and dates: We pull in order citations and timelines so counsel can act quickly.
- Allow exceptions for “crunch weeks”: Hearings, mediation, or discovery may need more contact. Your coach helps you time‑box it and return to baseline.
- Track it: Count monthly attorney contacts. If they spike, your coach resets the workflow with you (and your attorney if needed).
A simple email structure:
- Subject: One‑sentence issue + your specific ask
- Body: Facts (with dates) → Issue (1 line) → Ask (1 line) → Only real deadlines
Your coach can provide a fillable template and review drafts before you hit send.
Leak #2
The “temporary” second household
What you can do (coach + CDFA team):
- Price it out: Your CDFA models 6, 12, and 18 months (rent, utilities, furniture, storage, transportation).
- Start with safety and sleep: Beds, bedding, locks. Your coach helps phase purchases and avoid rush spending.
- Rent or buy second‑hand: Your coach helps plan a short list now and a batch list later to reduce impulse buys.
- Make a duplicate‑essentials checklist for kids: clothes, pajamas, socks/underwear, toothbrush/toiletries, needed medications, weather gear, school basics, device chargers, comfort item.
- Track it: Note your monthly “second‑household” cost. If it strains cash flow, your CDFA and coach adjust the plan together.
Leak #3
“Temporary” court orders that reshape cash flow
What you can do (coach + CDFA + attorney):
- Build two simple budgets: Temporary orders vs. expected final; note the difference. Your CDFA helps with taxes and cash‑flow timing.
- Plan for liquidity: Ask your advisor/CDFA about lower‑cost options (e.g., lines of credit) instead of high‑interest credit cards.
- Time purchases: Your coach helps you pause large buys until after mediation/court when appropriate.
- Set a limit on interest: If monthly interest charges jump, your coach coordinates a quick check‑in with your advisor/CDFA and attorney to adjust.
A weekly 15‑minute check‑in (with your coach)
- Necessary: Court‑related, housing, kids’ essentials
- Helpful: Lowers conflict or legal time
- Reactive: Driven by panic or anger—wait 72 hours, then review together before acting
Your coach keeps this cadence, so decisions become calmer and cheaper.
One page to stay organized
Consider a simple “Case Finance Snapshot” you update weekly with your coach/CDFA:
- Cash on hand this month
- Upcoming court or mediation dates
- Estimated legal invoice this month
- Number of attorney contacts this month
- Second‑household monthly cost
- Interest paid this month
- Any larger purchases coming up
A short example:
One mom was emailing her attorney daily while rushing to furnish a second home. We shifted her to two short weekly emails (reviewed before sending) and mapped a 12‑month second‑household plan with a CDFA before she signed a lease. She rented essentials first, bought second‑hand later, and timed purchases after mediation. In three months, her legal communication costs dropped noticeably, and over six months, she avoided thousands in extra spending.
How your financial advisor and coach work together:
- Advisor/CDFA: Build temporary vs. expected‑final budgets, plan liquidity, and watch interest costs.
- Coach: Keep communication concise, organize documentation, and support calm decision‑making.
- Together: You get fewer reactive fees, clearer cash flow, and steadier parenting logistics.
Bottom line
High‑conflict divorce often bleeds money through urgency, duplication, and slow court timelines. A divorce coach helps you pause, organize, and communicate strategically—while a CDFA aligns each choice with your numbers. That combination protects your cash—and your children’s stability.
Want help putting this in place?
If you’d like support drafting attorney emails, setting up your weekly Snapshot, or coordinating with a CDFA and your attorney, I offer focused divorce coaching for women and moms. You can request the Case Finance Snapshot and email template, or inquire about a single strategy session to get your system set up.
Scarlet Oak is here to help you through every stage of your financial life even the most challenging. Don’t hesitate to get in touch with us at 800-871-1219 or [email protected]. If you would like to speak to Katrina Newton and her team directly, her contact information is below.
Katrina Newton is a Licensed Therapist and CDC Certified Divorce Coach serving clients across the U.S., with deep expertise in North and South Carolina courts. With two decades as a trauma specialist and EMDR practitioner, she helps women exit destructive cycles, parallel‑parent effectively with difficult exes, and make clear, values‑aligned decisions during high‑conflict divorces. She also offers accessible, self‑paced courses to bring high‑quality divorce support to more women. Learn more and inquire about limited‑caseload openings at empoweringdivorcecoaching.com.
Katrina Newton can be reached:
Empowering Transitions Divorce Coaching
Call: (980) 243-4937
Email: [email protected]
Website: empoweringdivorcecoaching.com
This material was prepared by Katrina Newton and does not necessarily represent the views of the presenting party (Scarlet Oak Financial Services), nor their affiliates Capital Asset Advisory Services, LLC. This information has been derived from sources believed to be accurate.
This material is for general information and education. It is not legal, tax, financial, or medical advice. Individual situations vary. Please consult your attorney, tax professional, and financial advisor for guidance specific to your circumstances.
